I still hold the shameful robes of the man I used to be. To disregard them would be dishonest. They serve as a reminder that everything changes, including people. Sometimes for the better. I have had to learn to lean into that mirror and see myself, for better or worse, and own it. I cannot unwind the past. It is a tangled mess. But I can take to heart the painful, regretful,and embarrassing lessons it has taught me. Lessons bought and paid for. I see your struggle. I feel your angst. For that was/ is me. We are pilgrims on the same path. Can I come along side you?
I know that feeling and revisited it recently. Ugh. It was deeply painful. I spoke about it with a close friend and then I said, aloud, but to myself- fuck this - something so healing in those words. It helped me to release it - maybe even laugh at myself, kindly though. Most importantly it helped me - once again - accept that I will make mistakes - still! I am human, and once I arrive at that place of self acceptance I feel lighter and I am able to move forward - anew…as you beautifully expressed. I wish you a beautiful day. Xo
Yes, we screw things up. I think that is deeply intertwined into us humans. The question is what we do with it and how we go forward. Apologizing to that person is the right thing to do. And even if that person doesn’t forgive us, we should forgive ourselves. Otherwise it will hard for us to let go and move forward.
Thank you Susanne. This is perfectly said. Sometimes forgiveness is a gift we have to give ourselves. Sometimes making amends means mending what’s within.
Wow! "Sometimes the only way to make amends is to turn yourself into the kind of person who deserves it." Just wow. Alchemy in motion. Thank you for this, Duane. Have a great rest of the week.
Yes! That’s so beautiful! I really do think regret has a valuable function, in art, in life, in everything. The key, I think is to use it as fuel, rather than as an excuse for wallowing. It’s a tricky balance I’m always walking. Thank you so much LeeAnn!
No one is perfect. We all fuck up with someone at some point. And people do fuck up with us too.
So yes, all of that, making amends, listen, acknowledging the others’ pain. Working on ourselves, change slowly. Love and give and through your beautiful collages. Express and share your loving kindness. it’s called emotional intelligence, which you are not deprived of , Duane , you have it all !😉💖
You know, a version of me not too long ago would have said, yes, beg, plead, prostrate yourself on the bed you made, and I still will not be moved. But I've always been a tender and fragile being, too consumed by own failings to recognize the failings in others and that they are a real part of what makes us who we are. What makes us human. My own journey has been one of discovering that our lives are really just a series of us asking for second chances (and third, and fourth, etc.), because truthfully, we all mess up. We mess up time and time again. And many of us have good reasons behind those mess ups. Our best hope is to continue to try to become the people we want to be, and pray with all that we've got that we find people who understand us along the way.
You’d normally give me shit for tossing out a quote, but this one I think you’ll appreciate. It’s poignant and perfect, and it hasn’t left my mind since I read it:
“...i’m sorry to all the people i hurt while i was hurting.”
It’s a beautiful mantra I find myself repeating. I wonder how many of us keep repeating some version of it to ourselves unanimously.
There are so many things I don’t know. Things I’m not sure of. Things that I’m not sure if I believe. I don’t know if I believe in God or divinity. I don’t know if the universe is conscious or if it even really cares about us if it is. I don’t know if there’s anything out there that sees us, that watches over us and works toward our good. But I think I’ve come to understand that one’s answer to any of those Ultimate questions is inconsequential.
I think there’s only one question that matters. Only one worth asking. Do we believe in mercy? I do. I’m glad you do too. You really are grace personified. Thank you for being one of the people that understands me along the way. I know I’ve already told you today, but I’ll repeat it anyway, I love you with all my everything.
Much like grief, this comes in waves. You catch sight of the shore and throw everything you have into reaching it, only to find yourself dragged backwards by a current you thought had finally loosened its grip. Then it happens again… and again. But… (and this is the important bit) each time, the sea takes a little less from you.
C.S. Lewis wrote, “For in grief nothing stays put… Am I going in circles, or dare I hope I am on a spiral?” I think remorse works much the same way - We revisit the same mistakes, the same shame, the same unanswered questions, convinced we are back where we started. Yet each return finds us slightly changed, slightly wiser, slightly more capable of carrying what once threatened to drown us.
I promise you that the shore is closer than it appears, and I have every confidence that you’ll make it there. 🌷
I still hold the shameful robes of the man I used to be. To disregard them would be dishonest. They serve as a reminder that everything changes, including people. Sometimes for the better. I have had to learn to lean into that mirror and see myself, for better or worse, and own it. I cannot unwind the past. It is a tangled mess. But I can take to heart the painful, regretful,and embarrassing lessons it has taught me. Lessons bought and paid for. I see your struggle. I feel your angst. For that was/ is me. We are pilgrims on the same path. Can I come along side you?
There’s no place I’d rather you be, and no one I’d rather walk it with. Love you, Dad.
The messiness of being human...thank you for sharing. Also, gorgeous collages! As usual! That little flash of a red 4 really gets me, ha!
Exactly that! Thank you! Ugh! I need more of those red fours!! I’m hunting down more of those flash cards on eBay! Haha!
If I find some I’ll send them! I had vintage music themed flashcards for awhile, I wonder where they are…!
Don’t tease me Jill!! 😂
You started it with that 4!!! Ha!
Haha! Not quite. Stephen gave me a couple of those flash cards, and that little piece of 4 is the remanent of another collage I made with it.
I know that feeling and revisited it recently. Ugh. It was deeply painful. I spoke about it with a close friend and then I said, aloud, but to myself- fuck this - something so healing in those words. It helped me to release it - maybe even laugh at myself, kindly though. Most importantly it helped me - once again - accept that I will make mistakes - still! I am human, and once I arrive at that place of self acceptance I feel lighter and I am able to move forward - anew…as you beautifully expressed. I wish you a beautiful day. Xo
Yes! “Fuck this” is holiest most powerful mantra I know! Thanks so much Andrea!
Love this!!
Change is the hardest and the most important
I agree wholeheartedly, thank you so much Vanessa.
Accept your past and let it simply shape the person you are becoming. 🥹🙏🏽
Beautifully said! Thank you so much!
This is wonderful, Duane!
Yes, we screw things up. I think that is deeply intertwined into us humans. The question is what we do with it and how we go forward. Apologizing to that person is the right thing to do. And even if that person doesn’t forgive us, we should forgive ourselves. Otherwise it will hard for us to let go and move forward.
Thank you Susanne. This is perfectly said. Sometimes forgiveness is a gift we have to give ourselves. Sometimes making amends means mending what’s within.
Wow! "Sometimes the only way to make amends is to turn yourself into the kind of person who deserves it." Just wow. Alchemy in motion. Thank you for this, Duane. Have a great rest of the week.
Thank you Cave! This has been heavy on my mind lately, and it’s been an insightful thing to contemplate. Thanks again friend!
So, so wise. A mentor, really my sponsor in a 12-step program, once told me that regret keeps us from doing those things again.
Yes! That’s so beautiful! I really do think regret has a valuable function, in art, in life, in everything. The key, I think is to use it as fuel, rather than as an excuse for wallowing. It’s a tricky balance I’m always walking. Thank you so much LeeAnn!
True, it is a balance as so much of life is.
Exactly 🙏
Brilliant.❤️
Thank you Kim!!
No one is perfect. We all fuck up with someone at some point. And people do fuck up with us too.
So yes, all of that, making amends, listen, acknowledging the others’ pain. Working on ourselves, change slowly. Love and give and through your beautiful collages. Express and share your loving kindness. it’s called emotional intelligence, which you are not deprived of , Duane , you have it all !😉💖
Emily your kindness and support are both incredible. I appreciate you immensely!
You know, a version of me not too long ago would have said, yes, beg, plead, prostrate yourself on the bed you made, and I still will not be moved. But I've always been a tender and fragile being, too consumed by own failings to recognize the failings in others and that they are a real part of what makes us who we are. What makes us human. My own journey has been one of discovering that our lives are really just a series of us asking for second chances (and third, and fourth, etc.), because truthfully, we all mess up. We mess up time and time again. And many of us have good reasons behind those mess ups. Our best hope is to continue to try to become the people we want to be, and pray with all that we've got that we find people who understand us along the way.
You’d normally give me shit for tossing out a quote, but this one I think you’ll appreciate. It’s poignant and perfect, and it hasn’t left my mind since I read it:
“...i’m sorry to all the people i hurt while i was hurting.”
It’s a beautiful mantra I find myself repeating. I wonder how many of us keep repeating some version of it to ourselves unanimously.
There are so many things I don’t know. Things I’m not sure of. Things that I’m not sure if I believe. I don’t know if I believe in God or divinity. I don’t know if the universe is conscious or if it even really cares about us if it is. I don’t know if there’s anything out there that sees us, that watches over us and works toward our good. But I think I’ve come to understand that one’s answer to any of those Ultimate questions is inconsequential.
I think there’s only one question that matters. Only one worth asking. Do we believe in mercy? I do. I’m glad you do too. You really are grace personified. Thank you for being one of the people that understands me along the way. I know I’ve already told you today, but I’ll repeat it anyway, I love you with all my everything.
Ahhhhhhh I don't know about that quote. Sounds like it was written by some crackpot to me. ;)
I love you with all my everything too.
oh totally, but a really cute and insightful one. So it still works out 😘
😂😂😂
Much like grief, this comes in waves. You catch sight of the shore and throw everything you have into reaching it, only to find yourself dragged backwards by a current you thought had finally loosened its grip. Then it happens again… and again. But… (and this is the important bit) each time, the sea takes a little less from you.
C.S. Lewis wrote, “For in grief nothing stays put… Am I going in circles, or dare I hope I am on a spiral?” I think remorse works much the same way - We revisit the same mistakes, the same shame, the same unanswered questions, convinced we are back where we started. Yet each return finds us slightly changed, slightly wiser, slightly more capable of carrying what once threatened to drown us.
I promise you that the shore is closer than it appears, and I have every confidence that you’ll make it there. 🌷
Sometimes Clive really does get it right, even despite his world building problems lol. Thanks so much for the reminder. I really do appreciate it.
We simply cannot trivialize the act of apologizing. How?… We must avoid it at all costs… ups!
Thanks so much for reading and commenting! I really appreciate it!!
“May the quiet work be the only thing that matters, even when no one’s looking.” Yes yes yes. Beautiful collages.