I have two problems I'm solving. Two birds with one stone, hopefully. I take that back. I'd rather not kill anything. Two birds with one feeder, maybe. I'm digressing already.
This year I made the decision to devote more time to creating art. To exploring and experimenting. The unfortunate reality is that, with responsibilities and a day job, there's only so many hours in the day. To do more of anything, means to do less of something else. My reading time is taking the brunt of this change. I'm reading less than I have in years. A disconcerting thought to be sure, but one I'm trying to take in stride and deal with. One I'm trying to make peace with.
The question then becomes, how to make the most of what I do take the time to read?
My second problem is like the first, in a way. I always read with a pen handy. I underline and annotate aggressively. I compile and collect them. Organize and review. Sometimes they end up in essays. Often, they don't. For the most part they sit, and they wait. I know I'll use them eventually, as Joel Miller suggests. It's just a matter of figuring out how to do it. And I think, I might have, maybe.
My answer to these two problems is my answer to almost every problem: make collages. When work is stressful. When relationships are ending. When life feels too heavy. When my heart is drowning, and my head is pounding. When there is no clarity, and I don't know what to do. Make collages.
I just finished reading A Lush and Seething Hell by John Hornor Jacobs. Two novellas of cosmic horror bound together in one place.
My reading usually leans towards the fantastical. World-building, magical systems, supernatural beings, strange and wondrous creatures. The more the better if you ask me. I'd go so far as to say that every great work of literature would be improved if it included any one of these things. imagine Jane Eyre as a sorcerer's apprentice, or within a coven of witches. War and Peace if it had just one wizard in it. Blasphemy? Perhaps. Heretical? Probably. Am I ashamed of myself for my low-brow tastes? I am, a little. But nerd culture is real, and we are many.
I've found my reading has grown a bit darker. Has started veering closer to horror. A genre that hasn't appealed to me for most of my reading life. But, is starting to garner more of my attention. Maybe it's the palette changes that come with age and refining tastes. Maybe it's because I'm trying to scare away the monsters inside me. Maybe I'm trying to drive my own demons out. Or maybe they're the ones driving me. Who's to say?
I won't take up your time with psychoanalysis. And, I won't go into great detail, or any detail at all, about the stories. Both, in essence, I think are about obsession and the need for redemption. My purpose here is to share a few of the passages collected from the book in collage form. I hope you enjoy it.
haunted
“you can be haunted without ever seeing a ghost.”
You may have seen this one already. I used it in a previous newsletter. It seems redundant to share it again, but it seems wrong not to include it with some of the other passages.
beyond and beneath
“There is a beyond to every woman and man. There is a beneath.”
We go by many names. We’re known by many things. Many hats, jobs, titles, categories, identities. We are legion. We are many. So many different words, with so many different meanings. Wide and varied. Beneath every one of them, under everything, there is something deeper to all of us beyond what we can say.
draws you on
“A piece of music draws you on, leading you places you’ve never been"
In one sentence John Hornor Jacobs explains the entire motivation behind my Collage Paper Playlist series. Songs inform my work in ways almost nothing else does. They push me in ways I can’t explain and in directions I would have never thought to have gone with out them.
heart gives
“A song is a thought the heart gives expression.”
Somethings meet us past the threshold of language. Beyond the borders of our words. Over the horizon of all our letters and verbs. Things that evade easy expression. That’s why we have art. That’s why we have poetry, and it’s especially why we have music.
worn down
This last one isn't a passage per se. I made copies of the book pages containing the quotes I wanted to use, and I didn't want to just discard them after I used them. I try not to be wasteful. I try to use everything. So, I made a cut out poem and a collage around it.
I still have leftovers I haven't used up though...I think I'm going to need another feeder.
Reminds me much of Edgar Allen Poe, particularly “The Cask of Amontillado”—are you familiar? Also, I am considering adding some rhetorical analysis of songs/music in my own Substack soon. The collages and associate notes you’ve shared here would do well in an introduction, sometime soon. Would it be okay if I used them and linked to your work?
I really like the second beyond and beneath one. I feel like I'm on a similar path too with "the dark." I think for many years I associated darkness with evil or at least "bad." As I get older, I find more pleasure--even wisdom--in darker things. Maybe a lot of people already get that, and I'm just super late to the party. lol