confidence
I don't put much stock into being 'self-confident'. It's not so much 'confidence' I take issue with. It's where it's put. It's what it's placed in. It's the 'self' part of it that keeps me struggling.
I'm an unreliable narrator telling a story to myself, about myself, that may or may not be true. My heart is too fragile. My head, too fickle. I'm always two-steps away from falling apart and giving in. I can't count on my thoughts and feelings. I can't rely on them.
I need the assurance of something outside myself. I want to believe in something beyond me.
Something structured and constructed.
Something solid.
Something made of metal and mettle.
Girders, courage, and steel.
"At the heart of the creative's practice", Seth Godin says, "is trust". But trust in what or whom?
It's the work. The process. The practice. The ritual observance of commitment, discipline, and consistency. That's what saves us. That's what's worth believing in.
I'm not always confident in my abilities to find the way. I feel forsaken by inspiration. Abandoned by every muse. Lost to my own creativity. But I trust that if I keep showing up to my work bench, the practice will guide me…
hopefully soon…
P.S. One of the things I was concerned about when I first started offering the Collage Paper Grab Bags was whether or not these materials would be of use to anyone other than me. I’ve never been so happy to be wrong. Seeing all the amazing things people have done with them is beyond exciting!
posted a few pieces she made using some bits from a grab bag earlier this week, and what blew me away about it was the way she really made the material her own. She intervened on them in ways I would have never done and would have never even thought of.
Also,
wrote a wonderful post about returning to collage after years away. Seeing the work she’s making, tells me it’s a triumphant return, indeed! So grateful and honored that she used some of my collage papers. She’s giving me so many ideas about how to use these materials.
If you’d like to pick up a Collage Paper Grab Bag, you can find them here.
P.P.S - ICAD - Day 293-296 - all the collages featured in this newsletter are available for purchase here.
Great point about confidence, Duane. Putting our faith and belief in something external almost feels like a game of bluff with cards and we are playing against ourselves. This made me think of the song "Castles Made of Sand" by Jimi Hendrix.
I like that last collage, "dreams I can’t dream - analog collage on 4x6 index card." That word "DECODING" over the eyes is interesting. Deeper meaning there to decode as well. Thanks for sharing.
Ooh grab bags! They sound awesome.. I struggle creatively at times with writing, drumming.. poetry.. being me.. the whole shabang! Solidarity in the struggle my friend ☺️