I know you know

Collage Paper Playlist 6

throw away my keys

“Woke Up in a Car” - Something Corporate

Towards the end of last year where one of my favorite bands fronted by one of my favorite songwriters (whom I've mentioned again and again) did a reunion tour. I didn't get to attend any of the shows. But I did manage to find video of a full length performance on YouTube. It's not the same, but it did help me get through the workday and it put a smile on my face, so that's something.

Songs are time capsules. Every chord, note, and melody holds a little piece of who you were when you first heard it. Every time I hear this song, I'm a fifteen-year-old kid with a guitar he barely knows what to do with. Wondering what it would be like if I could really learn to use it. If I could wake up in a new city every day. If I could write songs and play them to crowds that could sing all them back to me. I never got to find out. Some wishes don't come true, no matter how much you believe in them. No matter how much you want them to. But sometimes it’s good to reminded of what it's like to have a big dream. To remember what it's like to be filled with a bright-eyed hope. To feel like extraordinary things are within arm’s reach.

do you ever feel

"Heavy" - Sprints

"Do you ever feel like the room is heavy?" Karla Chubb sings the question, but I know the answer. I can feel the weight. I can feel myself sinking. I've been feeling it all week and into the weekend.

Everything hurts and the air has edges.

Chubb says the song's about anxiety and panic. About intrusive thoughts and mounting intensity. For me, it also speaks to depression. To the anger and helplessness of feeling like nothing you do matters. Of feeling like nothing is getting any better. Art helps. So does music. But sometimes it isn't enough. Sometimes the world feels too dense for their lightness to get through.

Rod Judkins says that "If your aim is a consistent, happy state, creativity is not for you." He says that you have to "Learn to enjoy the emotional lows as much as the highs." Even after all these years, I'm still a slow learner. I'm still learning, slowly.

I know you know

"Breaking Up My Bones" - Vinyl Theatre

I don't know what it says about me that I'm three songs into this week's playlist, well past the halfway mark, and I haven't talked about any of the art or the processes that gave rise to them.

It's been a trying week. I've been feeling low. But I believe in showing up. In being dependable even when my 'A' game isn't.

Two things I've been trying to give extra attention to in my work lately are negative space and type hierarchy. My compositions can be too busy, too cluttered, and too one-dimensional. I've been trying to find interesting ways to break up the space. I've been trying to create tension, movement, and ambiguity by playing around with the idea of headings and subheadings in creative ways.

mostly down

"New Low" - Middle Class Rut

"I make mistakes/Just like everybody else/But instead of letting go of it/I can't forgive myself". I can't speak for you, but that scrapes against something raw and tender in me.

Maybe it's just the mood I'm in. When I'm feeling "mostly down", it's easy to get caught in cycles reminiscing about what I haven't done and who I should have been. "[D]epression lies",

Jenny Lawson (thebloggess)

says, "your brain is not always trustworthy". I know it in my hands, in my feet, in my heart that what she says is true. You just have to keep swimming. Keep treading water until your head is clear enough to believe it too.

strange as angels

"Just Like Heaven" - The Cure

One of things I hoped for when I started doing this Collage Paper playlist series was that readers would get involved and send in recommendations. I've been lucky with that so far.

Writer Pilgrim by So Elite

requested George Michael on a past playlist.

Victoria SkyDancer

requested Rush on the previous installment.

Words in Bloom

sends me mucis all the time. And this week I'm excited to say that

JS Hyder

requested The Cure.

When you're feeling down. When your rose-colored glasses turn blue. The Cure is a great band to listen to. It's like commiserating with your best friend, who also happens to make incredible music. Maybe it doesn't stop the rain or right all the ways the world has wronged you. But sometimes all you really need is someone to sit in the darkness with you, until the sun comes out again.

That’s it for this week’s playlist. If you have any requests or recommendations I’d love to hear them. Be sure to leave them in the comments.

Take care.

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