Reality
"Real life is the present moment", Walpola Rahula says. Reality can be nothing other than the things that are now and here. As if that could make the present moment more pleasant. As if that could make the reality of it any easier to face.
The present moment is a morning come too early. Too fast. Too soon. Too little sleep and too much to do. You only just got comfortable. You barely closed your eyes. You barely slept off the previous day.
Reality is the alarm that tells you it doesn't matter. You have to get up anyway. "Depleted" may be too dramatic a word to use, but it's the one comes immediately to mind. Something about it feels right.
The present moment is a little room filled with noises but no voices. All clicks and whirs. The refrigerator, the fan blades, the kettle. The whoosh of every car passing across the highway outside. The sound of someone leaving. The quiet of me still standing still.
"Solitary" might be the most apt word to use. It's the one that comes the quickest to mind. But something about it doesn't feel right. Solitude is something stable. Something steady. Something calm. But this reality? This reality is something else.
This present moment is all pacing and nervous tics. A reality of walls that feel closer than they appear. "Confinement" wasn't the first word that came to mind, but something about it feels right.
Come nightfall, reality is one mug sliding across the counter. A single spoon stirring a single serving of tea. The present moment is the air-conditioner blowing in the heat of recollection. In the subtle variations of darkness, without the protection of sleep. Reality is the space next to you that used to be filled. The present moment is the undisturbed sheets.
"Lonely" isn't the saddest word that you can think of, but its the one at the forefront of my mind. It's the one that feels the most like reality, whether or not it's right.
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Superbly written. Definitely feel this. Alone time has its merits, but when you're missing that someone, something special its just agony in the space between the ticks and the tocks x
Lovely and poignant at the same time. Also produces a slight pang of envy, as Alone Time is something I crave now and then. I would iffer to switch places with you, but I'm not sure "Bro and Cat Time" would suit you. Could get awkward. 😜