success
I've spent most of life searching for success. Chasing down that one "Big Break".
I knew it would take work. I never expected to have it handed to me. I've always been willing to dig my heels in. To be disciplined. To get my hands dirty. To show up consistently. Believing that if I produced enough, if I was good enough, for long enough, no one would be able to ignore me.
There's a truth to that approach, sure. But I wanted it too much. Too badly. Too desperately. I sought it without balance or the proper priorities. More often than not I’ve found myself burnt out and miserable along the way.
The harder, deeper, truth of it is that "Most success", as
says, "is a total accident". It's mostly a matter of "Right time, right place...like a perfect storm".And there in lies the trouble.
Storms are awe-inspiring, mysterious, and powerful, but they can also be "destructive and devastating". They can leave a path of irreparable damage in their wake.
My day job comes up a lot in therapy. It's unfulfilling. Unsatisfying. It eats away at me. Most days I feel like it keeps from doing the amount of creative work I could be doing if I wasn't chained to a cubicle. I think about what I could accomplish if I was successful enough to spend my work day in my studio instead of just the 2 hours I get with the what remains of the day.
I took sometime off the week of Christmas. I'm normally angsty and anxious on vacation. So concerned with not letting any of my 'out of office' time go to waste. But, if there's one thing I've learned about myself, its that ritual and routine save me. I made it a point to structure my days off in a way similar to when I am working. I got up in the morning and went to the gym. Then, rather than go to ‘work’ I picked up coffee and went to the studio.
I planned to spend each full day in the studio. But I discovered that a few hours was all the time I really needed to create the things I wanted to. I usually finished up not much after midday, feeling contented and accomplished. That what I had done was enough for the day.
I discovered that the rhythm of my regular day-job kind of day, isn’t far removed from the way I’d like all my days to be.
Maybe there's a word for that.
Maybe that's what success is.
P.S. ICAD Day 223 - 226 - the collages below are available for purchase here.
P.P.S - Drew Steinbrecher (IG here) is an incredible artist, and was kind enough to to feature me in his newsletter (screen shot below) I can’t thank Drew enough. Do yourself a favor, check out his work and be sure to follow!
P.P.S - ‘Flip-flopping’ (moving from analog, to digital, to analog, etc.) is an important part of my process. I make most of my source materials digitally. I print them out to use in my analog work. I’ve decided to make some of my printable source material available for purchase in my shop as Collage Papers Vol. 1. Thumbnails of the included files are below. Most of these are made with digital photos I’ve taken around the city where I live. If you decide to get them, I would love to see what you make with them!
It’s taken me far longer than necessary to realise that I need a ‘work’ routine too, now that I’m not working full time. As my wife has remarked many a time, I ‘fizz’ if I don’t have a schedule, and that (understandably!) puts her on edge. I don’t need to have the whole day planned, just enough to make me feel I’m doing something productive and fulfilling.
I love reading about the blossoming of insights and the release of negative internal limitations. This post was just right!