(un)Safe
You have a condition. A sensitivity. The symptoms are invisible. Whether you were born with it or came to it. Something in your genes or something that happens as you age. Who knows? Who’s to say? It’s a kind of osteopenia. A loss of inner strength. A kind of poverty. You can’t rebuild quickly. A reduction of volume, of mass. An inadequate density.
Is there anything that makes you invincible? Can you coat yourself in kevlar? Some new invention of polymer chemistry? An interwoven armor of aramid fibers. Ballistic panels and stab protection. Blunt force resistance and polycarbonate shields. You try to be normal. You try not to let it hinder you. You enter the world in riot gear. Cold. Defensive. Fragile. Scared.
You have an affliction. A malady. Everything in the world is out to get you. All its equipment and armaments. Its slings and arrows. Its sticks and stones. The words that hurt you, break your heart and your bones. Osteogenesis imperfecta. All your inner structures turn brittle, little, and weak.
Is it possible to become Impervious? Molded polypropylene. Wrapped in careful attention “with hobbies and little luxuries”, C.S. Lewis says. With “routine and avoidances of entanglement.” Everything neat and separated. Nothing touching what it shouldn’t. Everything in its place. Everything you are kept in a case. A collector’s item still in its packaging. Behind a plastic window, still pristine.
You have an ailment. A problem. An irregularity. Something deep and angry. Something filled with rage. Osteomyelitis. A fire in your marrow.
Can you be, once and for all, Impenetrable? Inaccessible? Unmarked, unmarred, unscarred, unscathed, unchanged. Unfeeling. Sheltered and “unventilated in the darkness”, Lewis goes on to say. Air tight and hermetically sealed.
Is there a way to be unbreakable? To be safe? To be secure? To be unyielding? Finally resistant to everything?
Give your heart and all its contents to no one and to nothing.
Though, perhaps, between the shattering and anchorage there is a middle-way. Not to be impervious, impassable, or immune. Osteo-Ubermensch, there is no such thing. There is such a tender muscle pumping in the center of a fragile casing. is proof that it’s impossible to be safe.
But you can be brave. You can be more than a witness to your existence. You can be a participant. It’s not a matter of fearlessness, carelessness, or helplessness. It’s standing in the face of your own scared shitlessness. Choosing to be vulnerable, to be exposed, to be open anyway.
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Riposte:
You learn about energy - yours, theirs, everyone's. You envision your aura, see the outermost layer like a robin's egg: smooth, strong, impermeable unless you choose to let it crack open. Perhaps you're surrounded by a mirror instead: all the bad and harmful see only themselves, with you invisible at the core.
At that core, you have a surprise waiting for anyone or anything that slip by your defenses - a jaguar, a wolf, claws out - a cobra, a copperhead, ready to strike - maybe even a dragon, most powerful of all, flame simmering at the back of the throat, whispering, "Thou art crunchy and good with ketchup."
You can look all of your challenges square in the eye and know: something Greater is protecting you; something Greater flows through your veins, and She is a fierce Amazon if provoked!
I know I usually go all out on the words... But the collection of images associated with this blog are absolutely exquisite! I feel a little spoilt that we are privy to so many pieces all at once! There is something that draws you to them- the arrangement of letters maybe - inviting us to decipher their order and meaning. Beautiful colour palette used in that first piece, though I am a sucker for plain old monochrome!
And the blog (takes a deep breath before unleashing what follows)
I love this comparison to osteopenia. Slipping away from within, seeping until hollow. I think when you regress from within, it's a stainless steel rod you need to ensure that everything else doesn't fall in. It's all very well and good protecting the outer husk, but what you really need is a root canal that ensures that you're still able to take that bite at life with out crumbling at the first hurdle.
Osteo-Ubermensch - Ha! This made me giggle! Possibly more Myocardial - Ubermensch.