after
That's "the thing about the world", says Lev Grossman, it's not "that things [are] harder than you thought they were going to be, [it's] that [they're] hard in ways that you didn't expect."
Sometimes the plot twists in a way we didn't see coming. Sometimes the story ends unresolved. When we were so sure what the future would be, and when it turns out we were so very wrong. Moments when we have to come to grips with the fact that our lives will now have to be something different than what we imagined. Different from what we prepared for it to be. When we discover that the strength that going forward requires will also have to be shaped differently.
It's not a strength of armaments. It's not a test of mettle. It's the strength for what comes after.
After what you thought was the big boss battle. After you defeated what you thought was the final foe, and it turns out that you're only just getting started.
After you've trekked through every trial. Every tribulation. Every test of resilience, endurance, and will. When you're standing at what you thought was the end of what the universe had to throw at you, and it turns out it was only stretching.
It's when you're on the cusp of finally achieving everything you thought you were after. Everything you've been waiting for. When you're moments away from the spotlight and the curtain closes without you ever getting a chance to be on center stage.
It's the strength of "what next?". Of "what then?" Of "what now?" That's what it is.
If you're lucky you'll look closely and you'll notice things. Things that breach and break the midnight life you find yourself living. A light shining in the distance. A paper lantern on the breeze. A gift from a stranger beckoning.
It will come in the form of a lyric, a melody. You will hear your name called out in poetry. It will come hidden and unbidden in between the lines of a text like secret messages whispering. A portrait of your heart painted stronger than you ever remember it being.
"You're alright. Everything will be fine. You're ok", you will hear it saying. And, slowly, you'll start to believe it. You'll feel it in the marrow of things, and you'll find a way to keep going.
In case no one has told you today, I love you with all my everything.
This was beautiful and grounding to read. Thank you for this gift.
You get me every single time. You're a master of hooking the reader at the end of your text. In my case, it always finishes in the same way: A sigh, and an "Oh!," after which I say to myself, "This is so damn good." Thank you so much for sharing.