In my years fumbling around, flailing really, as I did my fine arts degree, I made a sculpture piece where I rented the student gallery space and covered the wall in my handwriting of “I should” and “I should not” statements. It was a powerful piece to create. All the statements conflicted with one another. A would be graveyard for the thoughts and forced inner dialogue I had picked up being a woman, with all the intersections of me. To see it and write it and have it witnessed. I wanted to put them to rest. It was a bold first attempt. Yet, at the end of the ceremonial creation, I packed them all back up into my head and carried them for many more years. Some are still echoing inside, and some “shoulds” I have shed and thanked and grieved, some have been thrust with force, some laid down with reverence.
It’s a word that has tendrils…long pathways of ooze. A lot of Shit that is not mine.
Thank you for this piece. It connected to a deep places with curiousity of how much is still there hangjng out, causing shit, being shitty and the need to let that shit go.
Jess! Every part of this reply is stunning! There so much wonderfulness here I hardly know where to start. Your installation sounds absolutely amazing and powerful and moving beyond words! I would have loved to have seen it and really taken it in!
"It’s a word that has tendrils" - F*ck me that is a gorgeously poignant sentence! Yes! It's subtle and insidious the way it stretches out and touches and tightens around so many seeming unrelated things.
Thank you so much for sharing all this here! This is why I love doing this! I'm grateful for you!
Duane, ahhhh your response makes me so happy to read. It’s so rad where we get to meet and interact with people where so much resonates! F*ck ya.
It’s really cool to hear you say that about my installation way back when…I really thought it was great, it meant a lot to me to do it and I wanted it to land for viewers. How funny that all these years later it can be a conversation with you here in the ‘stacks world. Art is so far reaching and I feel it transcends our concept of time.
Your enthusiasm is felt and received Duane! Thank you. Yup love this funny important little world of writing hey!?
Should is a very vicious way to say, you're not enough. I know it well. It can ruin entire lives. Definitely one to work on if it's in your self-narrative
Wonderfully said. When we cede to the pressure of the « should , » we lose ourselves, our vision, our voice, along the way. It’s completely invalidating, and leaves us feeling invisible, unworthy, not enough. Every time someone told me I should make a certain type of work, I replied that if that’s what they’re interested in seeing, it’s up to them to make that type of work. I had one photo teacher tell me repeatedly that my work should be darker and less « romantic. ». The other day I was thinking about what she said. At this point, a few years after being in her classes, I disagree. My work comes from somewhere deep inside, and if that’s what’s surfacing, then so be it. In the end, the work I make is for me. I don’t do it to please someone else.
Thank you so much for your wise words of acceptance, encouragement, and validation for the unique voices we all have.
Wow Anne! So much of this strikes such a strong chord with me! Especially your experience with your photography teacher. I'm so sorry that you were let down and un-helped by someone who should have been in a position of helping facilitate and shepherd your best work. I've had peers and mentors give me well-meaning advise that hindered more than it ever guided me. I love that you've come to this conclusion: "My work comes from somewhere deep inside, and if that’s what’s surfacing, then so be it." That is no small feat to arrive at that place. It takes so much effort and courage and determination to let your work be what it is, to let it show up how ever it chooses to. if I'm honest it's only recently that I think I've really gotten to this place and its an ongoing struggle to find the will to stay there. Thanks so much for this reply! it means so much to me!
Thank you for the mention. Glad to have inspired these words - I think? 😄
I'm definitely working on getting rid of should, reading your words and the comments here, it's encouraging. It's a work in progress. I didn't expect to do anything remotely "artistic" in my life - I came to clay not that long ago, really... this is all rather new to me, and perhaps this is part of the reason for all the shoulds.
Thanks Sara! You 100% inspired this! Definitely couldn’t have written this without you!
It really is a continual practice, and some days are better and easier than others. I think the shoulds always linger around no matter how long you’ve been doing. They’re always faintly whispering but the more you lean to where the work is leading you and the more you trust it, the easier it is to tune out the shoulds…most of the time, lol.
The second collage kind of took me by surprise. I knew I wanted to use that base image but had no idea what to do with it. I was intended to use more layers but it wasn’t working. as I started to remove things it got the point it is and i though there was something interesting about it. Glad you think so too!
You always manage to get right to the heart of things. I never walk away from your posts without something new to turn over in my mind. The way you weave your collage pieces with your words feels effortless, but it clearly comes from somewhere honest and deep. You name the stuff most people let pass by unspoken, and I appreciate how you call out these voices that try to tell us what we “should” be. That pressure is so real, and you capture it perfectly. Thanks for reminding me to pay attention to what actually moves me, and not what someone else decided was the right path. Keep sharing your work and your thoughts, it matters.
Thank you so much! You’re always so kind and thoughtful and generous in your feedback and comments! I try my best to write and say what I most need to hear myself, with the hopes that I'm not the only one needing to hear it. It's hard to move in where in teh world without bumping up against something making demands on you, without feeling the weight outside expectations. It's so loud and so often it's hard not to inundated with them, it's hard not to confuse them for your own thoughts and voices. I constantly have to find some quiet somehow an din someway in order to be reminded of what it is that lights a candle in the deepest parts of me. When you find that and hold on it, its a little easier to find your way. Thanks again!
I am reading all of the comments and replies. The comments contain some magnificent gems and your replies are as wonderful as your other writing. Congratulations on your show!
Sometimes I think that the real reason I keep doing these newsletters is so I can keep having all these great conversations with great people like you. This space at the bottom of these posts is where all the magic really is for me. It's in these little text blocks with all these kind and gracious folks that make so happy to be doing this. You give me the amazing gift of your time and your attention, your thoughts and your feelings, your ideas and your stories. You all expand my thinking, my heart, and my perspective, Week after week I read all the beautiful comments and replies, and I'm always struck by how lucky I am to have you all here. So thank you!!
Great points on the word should. When I hear 'should' followed by [INSERT UNSOLICITED ADVICE] what I really hear is I must conform to the speaker's project ideal of behaviour. No thanks. :)
are you into collages and you don't look at duane or stella's work? you should. they are the best on substack and an inspiration. and yes that is my opinion and my recommendation. what one does with it, it's up to each individual.
my take of all of this: yes, you are right about "should" but you are right only to a certain point. "should" can also be a positive thing and if we try to concentrate more on seeing the positive part (not to be positive all the time - that is as stupid as it is impossible) maybe we can put a smile on somebody's face. or on ours. we can only try, we SHOULD not impose
In my years fumbling around, flailing really, as I did my fine arts degree, I made a sculpture piece where I rented the student gallery space and covered the wall in my handwriting of “I should” and “I should not” statements. It was a powerful piece to create. All the statements conflicted with one another. A would be graveyard for the thoughts and forced inner dialogue I had picked up being a woman, with all the intersections of me. To see it and write it and have it witnessed. I wanted to put them to rest. It was a bold first attempt. Yet, at the end of the ceremonial creation, I packed them all back up into my head and carried them for many more years. Some are still echoing inside, and some “shoulds” I have shed and thanked and grieved, some have been thrust with force, some laid down with reverence.
It’s a word that has tendrils…long pathways of ooze. A lot of Shit that is not mine.
Thank you for this piece. It connected to a deep places with curiousity of how much is still there hangjng out, causing shit, being shitty and the need to let that shit go.
Jess! Every part of this reply is stunning! There so much wonderfulness here I hardly know where to start. Your installation sounds absolutely amazing and powerful and moving beyond words! I would have loved to have seen it and really taken it in!
"It’s a word that has tendrils" - F*ck me that is a gorgeously poignant sentence! Yes! It's subtle and insidious the way it stretches out and touches and tightens around so many seeming unrelated things.
Thank you so much for sharing all this here! This is why I love doing this! I'm grateful for you!
Duane, ahhhh your response makes me so happy to read. It’s so rad where we get to meet and interact with people where so much resonates! F*ck ya.
It’s really cool to hear you say that about my installation way back when…I really thought it was great, it meant a lot to me to do it and I wanted it to land for viewers. How funny that all these years later it can be a conversation with you here in the ‘stacks world. Art is so far reaching and I feel it transcends our concept of time.
Your enthusiasm is felt and received Duane! Thank you. Yup love this funny important little world of writing hey!?
Hope your day is grand. 🙌
Should is a very vicious way to say, you're not enough. I know it well. It can ruin entire lives. Definitely one to work on if it's in your self-narrative
So well said! I totally agree! Thank you!
Wonderfully said. When we cede to the pressure of the « should , » we lose ourselves, our vision, our voice, along the way. It’s completely invalidating, and leaves us feeling invisible, unworthy, not enough. Every time someone told me I should make a certain type of work, I replied that if that’s what they’re interested in seeing, it’s up to them to make that type of work. I had one photo teacher tell me repeatedly that my work should be darker and less « romantic. ». The other day I was thinking about what she said. At this point, a few years after being in her classes, I disagree. My work comes from somewhere deep inside, and if that’s what’s surfacing, then so be it. In the end, the work I make is for me. I don’t do it to please someone else.
Thank you so much for your wise words of acceptance, encouragement, and validation for the unique voices we all have.
Wow Anne! So much of this strikes such a strong chord with me! Especially your experience with your photography teacher. I'm so sorry that you were let down and un-helped by someone who should have been in a position of helping facilitate and shepherd your best work. I've had peers and mentors give me well-meaning advise that hindered more than it ever guided me. I love that you've come to this conclusion: "My work comes from somewhere deep inside, and if that’s what’s surfacing, then so be it." That is no small feat to arrive at that place. It takes so much effort and courage and determination to let your work be what it is, to let it show up how ever it chooses to. if I'm honest it's only recently that I think I've really gotten to this place and its an ongoing struggle to find the will to stay there. Thanks so much for this reply! it means so much to me!
Stupid shitty shoulds - my head is full of them.
Thank you for the mention. Glad to have inspired these words - I think? 😄
I'm definitely working on getting rid of should, reading your words and the comments here, it's encouraging. It's a work in progress. I didn't expect to do anything remotely "artistic" in my life - I came to clay not that long ago, really... this is all rather new to me, and perhaps this is part of the reason for all the shoulds.
Your collages are fascinating.
Thanks Sara! You 100% inspired this! Definitely couldn’t have written this without you!
It really is a continual practice, and some days are better and easier than others. I think the shoulds always linger around no matter how long you’ve been doing. They’re always faintly whispering but the more you lean to where the work is leading you and the more you trust it, the easier it is to tune out the shoulds…most of the time, lol.
Thanks for your kind words!
I hate the word "should"!
Also, that second collage is fascinating.
One of the worst words ever!
The second collage kind of took me by surprise. I knew I wanted to use that base image but had no idea what to do with it. I was intended to use more layers but it wasn’t working. as I started to remove things it got the point it is and i though there was something interesting about it. Glad you think so too!
“Your deepest obligation is to the curiosity anchored to your being here.” Yep.
you know it!
Congrats on your upcoming exhibition. Your work is wonderful and more people need the opportunity to see it.
Thank you so much Paul! I appreciate. Hoping to take lots of video and photos to share with you all!
I so agree and congratulations on the show!
Thank you so much Emily! Means a lot to me!
Amen, Duane. Excellent work.
Yes! i appreciate you Dan!
It works better in song:
"Should I/reveal/exactly how I feel/Should I confess/I love you..."
Such a good idea!!
Master songwriters Arthur Freed and Nacio Herb Brown working their craft.
Oh, nice! This one totally got by me! thanks for the recommendation!
You always manage to get right to the heart of things. I never walk away from your posts without something new to turn over in my mind. The way you weave your collage pieces with your words feels effortless, but it clearly comes from somewhere honest and deep. You name the stuff most people let pass by unspoken, and I appreciate how you call out these voices that try to tell us what we “should” be. That pressure is so real, and you capture it perfectly. Thanks for reminding me to pay attention to what actually moves me, and not what someone else decided was the right path. Keep sharing your work and your thoughts, it matters.
Thank you so much! You’re always so kind and thoughtful and generous in your feedback and comments! I try my best to write and say what I most need to hear myself, with the hopes that I'm not the only one needing to hear it. It's hard to move in where in teh world without bumping up against something making demands on you, without feeling the weight outside expectations. It's so loud and so often it's hard not to inundated with them, it's hard not to confuse them for your own thoughts and voices. I constantly have to find some quiet somehow an din someway in order to be reminded of what it is that lights a candle in the deepest parts of me. When you find that and hold on it, its a little easier to find your way. Thanks again!
I am reading all of the comments and replies. The comments contain some magnificent gems and your replies are as wonderful as your other writing. Congratulations on your show!
Sometimes I think that the real reason I keep doing these newsletters is so I can keep having all these great conversations with great people like you. This space at the bottom of these posts is where all the magic really is for me. It's in these little text blocks with all these kind and gracious folks that make so happy to be doing this. You give me the amazing gift of your time and your attention, your thoughts and your feelings, your ideas and your stories. You all expand my thinking, my heart, and my perspective, Week after week I read all the beautiful comments and replies, and I'm always struck by how lucky I am to have you all here. So thank you!!
Great points on the word should. When I hear 'should' followed by [INSERT UNSOLICITED ADVICE] what I really hear is I must conform to the speaker's project ideal of behaviour. No thanks. :)
That’s exactly it! Thanks Neil!!
are you into collages and you don't look at duane or stella's work? you should. they are the best on substack and an inspiration. and yes that is my opinion and my recommendation. what one does with it, it's up to each individual.
Wow! Thank you so much for this! I really appreciate it!!
you should 😂😂😂
HAHA! Well played!!
thank you kind sir!
my take of all of this: yes, you are right about "should" but you are right only to a certain point. "should" can also be a positive thing and if we try to concentrate more on seeing the positive part (not to be positive all the time - that is as stupid as it is impossible) maybe we can put a smile on somebody's face. or on ours. we can only try, we SHOULD not impose
That's great perspective, love that flipped it and took it from a different angle. Much appreciated!
"Don't should on me!" Not sure my mother embraced this, but she said it often enough.
Haha! Perfect!! She’s a good one!
Those collages are beautiful.
Thank you so much! So glad you like them!